The Best Things to Say to Someone in Grief
- I am so sorry for your loss.
- I wish I had the right words, just know I care.
- I don’t know how you feel, but I am here to help in any way I can.
- You and your loved one will be in my thoughts and prayers.
- My favourite memory of your loved one is…
- I am always just a phone call away
- Give a hug instead of saying something
- We all need help at times like this I am here for you
- I am usually up early or late, if you need anything
- Saying nothing, just be with the person
The Worst Things to Say to Someone in Grief
- At least she lived a long life, many people die young
- He is in a better place
- She brought this on herself
- There is a reason for everything
- Aren’t you over him yet, he has been dead for awhile now
- You can have another child still
- She was such a good person God wanted her to be with him
- I know how you feel
- She did what she came here to do and it was her time to go
- Be strong
Best & Worst Traits of people just trying to help
When in the position of wanting to help a friend or loved one in grief, often times our first desire is to try to “fix” the situation, when in all actuality our good intentions can lead to nothing but more grief. Knowing the right thing to say is only half of the responsibility of being a supportive emotional caregiver. We have comprised two lists which examine both the GOOD and the NOT SO GOOD traits of people just trying to help.
The Best Traits
- Supportive, but not trying to fix it
- About feelings
- Non active, not telling anyone what to do
- Admitting can’t make it better
- Not asking for something or someone to change feelings
- Recognize the loss
- Not time limited
The Worst Traits
- They want to fix the loss
- They are about our discomfort
- They are directive in nature
- They rationalize or try to explain loss
- They may be judgmental
- May minimize the loss
- Put a timeline on loss
By David Kessler
